Bovine Paranoia--Cows Are After Me

Between 1993 and 2015, cattle killed 13 people who were out for walks in the United Kingdom. Dozens more walkers received broken bones or other injuries from the animals.

According to this article, researchers at the University of Liverpool in the United Kingdom think murderous cattle

are an understudied phenomenon. So they scoured news articles and scientific literature to learn about cattle attacks over two decades. They turned up some advice for people wishing to avoid a fight with a bovine. First point: don’t try to save your dog.

In his book The Road to Little Dribbling, Bill Bryson also mentioned cow attacks in Britain. As this reviewer stated, “The observation, the wit, the geniality of Bryson’s inimitable words illuminate every chapter. Our hero finds himself crossing a field with a friend, who mentioned that there was a bull about 50 feet away. After he and his friend had run to the safety of the other side of the fence, Bryson petulantly inquired why a bull is allowed in a field with a footpath. His complaint was dismissed: ‘The real danger is cows. Cows kill a lot more people than bulls.’ Bryson pursues the fact that cow-trampling is rare enough, but always reported in British papers, and completely ignored in the States, where death by shooting takes precedence. He claims that if he asked a British friend about their chances of being attacked by a cow, the friend would be aware of the danger. An American would reply, ‘Why would I be in a field with cows?’” (short video interview with Bryson about his cow warnings)

My brother-in-law was attacked by a cow when he was tending to its baby calf--the protective mother pinned him against the wall and was mauling him until my nephew came into the stall and distracted the attacker. The incident resulted in lots of bruises and some broken ribs.

I like cows, but my images of them involve more than tail flickin' and cud chewin'. It comes from a boyhood on the farm when I battled a cantankerous milk cow and had to round up escapee steers on a regular basis. My most haunting memory comes from when the herd attacked me.

For a few desperate minutes, I was in a Gary Larson Far Side cartoon. The steers were discussing how to shake me out of the tree so they could pommel me senseless with their hooves. “Did you see him scurry up the tree? He about wet himself.” Some might say the animals thought I had a bucket of corn to feed them or they were just curious. But the apologists weren’t there to see the gleam in those bovine eyes. I was trapped.

Click here for the entire blog: Bovine Paranoia—Cattle Are Out to Get Me.

by dan gogerty (pic above from premiumtimesnq.jpg)