In our fifth grade class, Bill had three
things that made him seem cool. He belonged to the only farm family that still
used horses instead of tractors; he once had ringworm, so he showed off the
shaved spot with purplish blue medicine on his head; and he brought cigarettes
to school.
Cousin Mike and I joined Bill at recess
behind the baseball field backstop for a few hurried, sputtering drags, but my
two-puff-a-day habit basically ended there.
Oh sure—I grew up on a farm in the 60s so I tried rolling dried corn
silk in paper, but with the touch of a match, it burned faster than a fuse in
Coyote’s hand lit by Roadrunner. And some wayward Boy Scout brought a few cigars
to Camp Mitigwa, but most of us were too dizzy to savor the experience. A
combination of luck and ineptitude kept me from becoming a smoker.
This month, the Australian government adopted more graphic measures to discourage smoking by passing “the world’s toughest
law on cigarette promotion.” The AP
reports that the measure prohibits tobacco company logos on cigarette packs and
instead shows cancer-riddled mouths, blinded eyeballs, and sickly children.
As you might expect, tobacco companies are
gasping and wheezing about the law. They say it violates intellectual property,
devalues their trademarks, and would benefit organized crime. “The illegal cigarette black market will grow
further,” they contend.
Tobacco is not the only product facing
labeling and packaging directives: Which products can be called “organic”?
Which products can use the “probiotic” term? Should GMO foods be so
designated? Trans fats labels and
calorie counts are already with us. How
about salt, sugar, and chocolate warnings?
Many would say cigarettes are in a different
league—they certainly aren’t a food. Maybe tobacco companies should just go
with the flow. While traveling in the
90s, I met an Englishman carrying a black cigarette packet with a skull and
crossbones on the front and the prominent brand name “Death” in stark, white
letters. “You’re smoking death,” I chided him.
“Right,” he replied. “The company either has a brilliant flair for
reverse psychology or an economically fatal dose of truth-in-advertising.”
Of course I hope fifth graders don’t smoke,
but I’ll leave it to others to decide about labels and packaging. From what I’ve seen of the Aussie packets,
they are visually disgusting. But considering
what we were like in elementary school, the packet photos would probably have
been yet another cool thing Bill had.
“Hey look, a coughed-up lung. Neat!”
by dan gogerty (cowboy photo from
tobaccofreekids.org; cig. pack photo from media.boston.com)
When I was in Australia a few years ago I was on a river cruise with a group of local tourists. One of the women on the boat was smoking cigarettes and one of her friends made a comment about her smoking. The woman replied (tongue in cheek), “Oh, I only smoke the ones where the package says that smoking damages unborn fetuses. Since I don’t plan on having children - then nothing to worry about!”
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